I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
zippers are such a cool invention
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How drunk are you?
Completed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
