he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
