Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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