maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
