Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
