I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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