Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
