Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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