Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
