I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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