forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
