His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
