Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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