He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I still have a little drunk in my system
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Come on in and take your pants off
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