Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
