I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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