I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
