my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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