Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
