This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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