Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
