we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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