he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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