Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
