We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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