I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
