I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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