Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
