What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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