I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
