Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
