Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
