I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
