She said her name was "party"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
