i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
