Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
