she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize