Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
