the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
