literally had 100 drinks last night.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
