She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's get the cat blown out
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
A+ Viking dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
