I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
