i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i need some magic done to my vagina
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
