So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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