Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
