Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
