who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize