Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
