You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
