I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
