We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How naked do you want me to be?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
