Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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