I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
