just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
