You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
