Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
