Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
