im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
