just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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