mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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