i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
