Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
