he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
