he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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