Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize