I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
