best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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