and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
